Nightmares
by Ariana Malfoy- Lestrange
Summary: I don’t turn off the lights anymore. They are always on, even in the day. My home is so full of lights; I don’t understand how I can still see shadows, still see darkness, amid the light. - Harry and his darkness. One shot, no plot.


Author's Notes: I'm back, and after not touching fanfiction for about two months, I sat down today at my computer and pounded out three angst-ridden vignettes, one of which you see here. It's dark, and frankly, it frightens me. It's from dear Harry's point of view, and it's twisted...please review if you get the chance!

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I still have nightmares.

Not the nightmares of the days before Voldemort was defeated, but a different sort.

Instead of my parents, or green light, there is nothing but black. Black, dark, everywhere. And a roaring sound, like all the sorrows of the human race, all the pain, all the tears, all around me.

They never end.

Well, I suppose, technically they do. Sometimes I'll start, and bolt up, shaking, and pale.

And sometimes I forget I've wakened up, and it seems like I'm still in the nightmare, still in the inevitable darkness, with the roar.

Sometimes I can't tell nightmares from life.

I don't turn off the lights anymore. They are always on, even in the day. My home is so full of lights; I don't understand how I can still see shadows, still see darkness, amid the light.

And the darkness, the darkness is a darkness I've never seen the likes of before. It's touchable; you can taste it. It pervades all things, transcending everything, smothering all the light.

It smothers me. It suffocates, strangles, and yet- I am fascinated by it. Fascinated by the darkness that keeps me prisoner.

You laugh now. You laugh at the thought of darkness being felt, being touched. You think it is absurd, crazy. You laugh now, but not for long.

For one day, far off in the future, or very close, you will come to the harsh realization that nothing is what you think it is. Everything you've ever known, it is not what you have known at all, but something entirely different. Your world will shift, and you won't realize it until it's too late. Until you do realize that darkness can be felt, felt like no blade, felt like no darkness ever felt before.

Shadows that you've never given a thought to before will take over you. You will watch the shadows, watch the darkness, watch where the light cannot penetrate, where all is dark, and shall forever remain such.

You will realize that everything you've ever known is not how you've perceived it at all. You will realize that you know nothing for sure now, that you don't even know yourself. That you never really did.

And maybe you'll try to distract yourself, separate yourself from the darkness. Maybe you'll try to immerse yourself in books, or sports, your children, everything you thought you loved before. Maybe you will fill your home with lights, lights that you keep on all the time. Maybe you will try to find a sky in the world with so many stars that the brilliance of it will blind you, and you hope that you will never think about the darkness again. But, inevitably, though you surround yourself with light, and things you fool yourself into loving, you will find that you will always focus on the darkness.

And then, you will find that it consumes you.

You will find that nothing matters anymore, that nothing ever did. You will find that all that matters is keeping the darkness away. You will find that you will be terrified of the darkness again, like when you were a small child. You will find that you will now never get over this fear of the dark.

You will understand that you no longer fear monsters in the dark, but you will fear your own fear of the dark, like that fear is the dark, waiting for the precise moment to attack.

And it will get so bad that you will find that you will fill every nook and cranny of your home with light. Yet, you will always see darkness, even though it isn't there. Or is it?

You won't know anymore, driven to the edge of reason by the darkness, and your own phobia, and obsession with it.

It will get so bad that you'll be afraid to go to sleep, you'll be afraid to stay awake.

It will get to the point that you fully realize what your very worst fear is, the fear that you yourself are the darkness, that you've always been the darkness, that you will now forever be the darkness.

And then, that's when the nightmares will begin.

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Author's Notes: Dark, isn't it? Not litterally...anyways, I'm a sucker for reviews...hinthint 


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